i feel dirty when i call her by the pet names i used to call you. i started crying once simply from saying "good morning, sunshine," because for half a second i expected it to be you and i freaked out. i didn't tell her why i was crying though, i just blamed it on pms.
sometimes we'll go to concerts together and she'll unintentionally grind against me, the way you sometimes did when your favorite songs came on and we were too packed in for you to not be pressed flush against me. and you're so similar, your hair so alike, when hers suffocates me and i can't see and all i know is bodies and music and fucking hair, i feel like it's you. and i realize it isn't and i realize that my response, the way i'm touching her now, is exactly what i wanted to do when i thought it was you.
i'm cheating on her with herself.